What were you made for? A simple, yet seemingly impossible question to answer. Growing up, I had always wanted to be a dentist. Silly…right? I was convinced my whole childhood that I would be a dentist. Little 12 year old Carolyne was picturing the great pay, of course, and only working Monday through Thursday. It’s funny how much our path changes over the course of our lifetime…and I only have 21 years of experience. I had always known I was made to help people. Whether that be as a dentist, doctor, nurse, or special education teacher. I have never had any doubt in my mind, even from a young age, that I was made to bring light to other’s lives and help them in any way that I could. I am no where near perfect at doing this, and I struggle at it. I disappoint people. I am not always bright and bubbly. But, I try my best. Thinking back to moving in to college, I had no idea how much my answer to this question would slowly deteriorate. Feeling less like myself each day. I had always heard college was going to be hard…but why was it so hard that I was questioning everything? Why did I experience my highest highs and then the next day feel my lowest lows. Wake up. Coffee. “It’s going to be a great day.” Class. Friends. Errands. Pulling into the parking lot and breaking down in my car. Why? I had no idea. I had no idea why I had these feelings when everything in my life was going great and in the grand scheme of things, I had nothing to complain about. Okay next day. Wake up. Coffee……..a day down with no tears! Yay! Next day…..wake up. Coffee. Come back from class and break down in my room. Why were my weeks filled with more days crying than not crying. What was wrong with me? Why did I not know WHY I was crying. I felt so disconnected from myself because I could not control my emotions. I won’t lie and will confess that I was starting to get tired of this. Feeling like I was barely getting through the day. Barely making it to the next class period. Feeling so depressed that I cried myself to sleep in my bed most afternoons. Feeling so low that even though I was hiding all of this from my friends, that I was somehow releasing my emotions onto them without them knowing. Why. Why can’t I just be happy. I was so tired…I couldn’t give up. This is the day. The day it goes away. Nothing can stop me from having a good day. Wake up. Coffee. Class. Friends. Homework. Relaxing with Jackson. Okay…everything is going perfect. Tears. Tears start streaming down my face. Crying so hard that I can’t even get the words out to Jackson that it’s nothing he did. I could barely breathe. I could not tell him why I was crying. I didn’t know why. I was so frustrated with myself. The second semester of sophomore year was the lowest point in my life, thus far. I had never felt depressed before then. Why did I start having these feelings when I always try and be kind and be the best version of myself for others? I had no prior indication of developing depression. What was wrong with me? A little over a year later…I can say with 100% certainty in my heart that nothing was wrong with me. At the time, I did not feel this way. I mean, the only person I could blame was myself because why else was I crying every day? Why else was I isolating myself from my friends? Why could I not tell anyone how I was feeling? My parents started to catch on…checking in on me in person when in town. Staying in my dad’s hotel room, trying not to cry thinking of going back to campus in just a few short hours. Going home on the weekends and crying every time I had to drive back up to school. Trying to stay strong in front of my parents and holding my tears in until I was out of view from my house, driving back up to school… So back to the title of the song. What was I made for? I was not made for this. I was not made to just sit and cry. I was made for a bigger purpose. I was made to be selfless and live my life to help others. So…lots of hard and tearful conversations, therapy sessions, doctor sessions, and medicine later, I am back to feeling like myself. The “normal” Carolyne. I learned how important it is to not only rely on your family, but your close friends too. Slowly opening up to them was hard at first, but they made it so easy. They make me feel so loved and I am forever grateful for my beautiful, kind, strong, compassionate, caring, and the most amazing best friends I could have ever asked for. Atomic blondes forever hehe;) So I have answered my question. Have you? Maybe you have not experienced anything similar to me, and maybe you have. Maybe you’re in it right now. Do. Not. Give. Up. I know it feels like it will never end, but I promise you…it does. Days begin to look brighter. The sun begins to shine. You wake up feeling thankful for your life again. Every chance you get, you admire the beauty that is in the world. We are all made for something unique. It may take a lifetime to answer this question. That’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? Striving each day to get closer and closer to our goals. Each day, getting closer and closer to our destiny? We all are made to have beautiful lives. Think about your answer to this question. Do you find it easy to answer? Hard? Surround yourself with those who help you answer this question. Surround yourself with Jackson, who was there to wipe my tears away. Surround yourself with Mary Claire, who has the best deep conversations with you and makes you feel so loved. Surround yourself with Chloe, who is the brightest soul and gives you the best advice. Surround yourself with Morgan and Maddie who never fail to make you laugh. Surround yourself with parents, or anyone who you look up to, who are there for you through everything and will do anything in their power to help you succeed. So…do you know now. What were you made for?